RIP

A sweet friend passed away this morning. She had open heart surgery Friday the 13th and died from complications this morning. I was not expecting it. Just a few days ago I was messaging her back and forth and now she’s gone. I can’t believe it.

She was only 29 years old and left behind her 2 y/o daughter, her fiance, her young step-son and other family. She was preceded in death by her late husband Tim and their infant son Isaac, as well as her father and other family members. There was so much tragedy in her life yet she managed to stay fairly upbeat. As she said it was a soap opera waiting to happen.

I am so distraught over this. Apparently my connection with her was a lot stronger than I was aware of. We went to school together (she was a year younger than me), but we never hung out. It wasn’t until she befriended me on myspace several years ago that we actually became more than just schoolmates. I consider her a friend.

And a great friend she was. I will truly miss her.

my favorite photo of hers

Mold.

Since last night I have found 4 patches of mold in our house. Now I know this all sounds nasty; you’re probably thinking of something disgusting like one of those big, pimply moles with hair all over it. Honestly, if you saw it in your house – and weren’t as suspecting as I am – you probably would’ve just thought it to be dust buildup or some kind of dirt. Most of it really wasn’t that noticeable.

I know why it’s happening, too. The sad thing is is that I can’t afford to do anything about it other than spraying it with bleach, Lysol-ing it and Kilz-ing it.

You see, our house is sinking in. We thought it was just the foundation settling until last year. We think that a small, unnoticed leak helped weaken the structure. Under the vanity, there was an unused pipe that’s been turned off. Well, it has slowly been leaking from the hole, even though it’s off. Water is squuueeezing past it. It takes about 2 or 3 weeks to fill up a small bowl, but this has been going on for years. We didn’t notice until we removed our vanity nearly 2 years ago. There was a spot that looked like water had dried up and so I became suspicious. We kept an eye on it and sure enough…

My husband redid the floor in the bathroom and there never were any baseboards put in. So the leak is going right off the tile into the wood underneath in a very small area where the tile and wall meet. One of the main floor joists is right there.

So, because of the bathroom sinking in, it’s causing disruption in the floor in other areas. Imagine a giant stomping on our house…the floor would squish immediately under his foot, but the areas out away from it would lift and break. That’s basically what is happening. Last year I had our insurance agent come look. He said it wouldn’t be covered since it’s been happening over time. If it had happened all at once (I forget the term he used), then it would be covered.

Due to this, the old musty under-the-house-dirt-stench is coming into the house through any crack it can find (and because we don’t have ductwork installed yet). All of my belongings are now being ruined because of this smell. The mold is where is has rained a lot recently and the moisture is coming into the house (even though we have a vapor barrier on the ground under the house).

So right now, I’m wishing a big giant would come and stomp on my house so I can get it fixed.

Our kids are our future.

How many times have you heard this in the past year or so??

Well, it really needs to sink in for some people.

You know I am about to go on a rant here and bitch about something related to kids, right? If you don’t want to hear it and don’t think you can handle some heavy opinions then you might just want to leave now because I am going to start pointing the finger at you.

Yep….YOU.

Let me just put it out there that it absolutely disgusts me how fat some kids are nowadays. Excuse me. Obese. I believe we should spoil our children, but not in a way that is harmful to their health or personality. I think they should be spoiled with love and kisses and games and fun. They should be tremendously happy. You DON’T have to do this with food. It isn’t fair to them that their health be in jeopardy because you want to spoil them with junk. You have got to start thinking about what this does to their little bodies overall: the weight is hard on their joints and it just makes it harder for them to be rambunctious and playful.

That’s not the main topic of this post.

I’ve always been angry about obesity in children, but what I want to address is the disrespect from our kids and teens.

I have never seen kids so entitled and disrespectful towards others than I have lately. Poor kids whose parents barely have a roof over their head, yet they still manage to wear $100 shoes and name brand clothing. And when you offer them something that’s not to their liking then they snub your offer. Or when you’re walking down the street and going slow because you have a toddler with you, they get all smart-mouthed and start passively making threats.

These examples recently happened to myself and my husband. My kids at work are the first example. The second example happened to Mike on Halloween. Some punks were behind him and started mouthing off about them walking to slow and threatened to start kicking people. I’m sure he was just showing off for his buddies, but we take threats towards our child very seriously. So Mike was fed up and turned around and told him if he thought he was big enough to start kicking. Of course the kid shutup.

And frankly I am fed up with the attitudes, too. Moreso, I am fed up with the parents of these kids enabling them to be this way. They either cave in and do as their kid says or they just don’t say anything to them to discipline them and teach them to be respectful of others.

And it’s not just trash anymore.

I would never have talked like that if there was a little kid around, even if I was a fearless teenager. Because I had respect for those who couldn’t defend themselves. It’s called tact.

I know I had my share of running my mouth and causing problems, but it was never over something so stupid as people walking slowly in front of me.

I expect teens to not use their heads all the time, but the amount of indifference towards the regard of others has been unbelievable.

I am a firm believer that everything starts at home. That is where your child grows up and learns the majority of what they know. School and daycare are places to expand on that. But if your kid is having problems, you need to take a look at your relationship with your child and how you discipline them.

Your kids should respect you and when they walk out the door, they should take it with them. When I was a teen, I was afraid of doing a lot of things because I was afraid of what my parents would think or if they would be disappointed. So you know what, most of the time I chose not to do them. Of course being a teen I tested the waters. I got my hands dirty, but I could never imagine being a teen like some of the ones I’ve ran into.

Our kids are out future. A lot of kids don’t care about education or working. They think the whole world owes them. They think their parents need to give them everything they want so they don’t get a job. When I was 16, I was thrilled to work at McDs and have my very own income. I felt responsible and proud.

Kids these days are entitled and arrogant.

Today – and several times before – on the playground, my child was one of the youngest wanting to play on the slide repeatedly, only he was being kind about it. The other kids were all running back up the slide. And some of them were flopping onto it and being very aggressive in their play. They didn’t seem to notice that a very little boy was standing at the top waiting his turn, or that he was coming down the slide. Nope. They just ran him over. My child became reluctant to go again. He felt out of place. Maybe because he felt disrespected because the kids were being inconsiderate.

I know….kids will be kids. Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t give them direction and explanation about mindfulness. Kids who are 8 and 9 years old will get that. The parents were sitting right there not saying one word to these kids. When my son hesitated to come down the slide I loudly stated to him that this slide was his just as much as it was theirs and that he could slide down it. It’s just a shame that this is happening and the parents who were watching thought that these much larger kids dominating the slide was OK. If this continues, I guess I’ll be saying something to the parents. And I know they won’t like it.

I am really tired and going to bed. I’ll read this tomorrow and see if something doesn’t make sense.

I wish I was too.

I know several people who are buying or just recently bought a new house. It makes me wish I could do the same.

I am ready to move to Florida more than anything right now, but I can’t. It’s just not in the cards at the moment. I love my house, but I want to be able to buy our first house together. Mike had this house before I came along, so I’d love to be able to shop for a house and buy something we both love.

But I’m not doing that until we are in Florida. There’s no way on this Earth that I’d commit myself to another house here in nowhereville. I know Bradenton isn’t much bigger, but at least there’s an ocean and warm weather always around. And we’ve actually been considering Sarasota for a short while now. I found some nice condos there that we may move into.

Our plan is to rent first until we get to know the area. I’ve never even been to Florida, let alone either of the cities we’re thinking of moving to. I just know they are good cities that are warm enough year ’round and aren’t too party-y and the cost of living isn’t absolutely ridiculous.

Plus, I’ve pretty much done all that I want to do to this house. The bathroom still needs to be renovated, but I know how it will turn out.  My kitchen cabinets need to be finished, but I know how they’ll look. So there aren’t any other big transformations that I want to happen.

I’m rambling.

All I can say is I really can’t wait for the day that Mike and I buy OUR house and I can’t wait to decorate and remodel it to fit our personalities.

Money DOES buy happiness.

You have all heard that saying that money doesn’t buy happiness….

Well, I call bullshit.

Either you are in debt and miserable or you have so much money in the world you’re an asshole and alienate yourself or you blow it all and are broke again.

I know that if I could suddenly have $50,000 I’d be the happiest woman in the world. Hell, even just half that would do it. I could pay off most of my debts with $50k. All except my house.

I would no longer have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck. I wouldn’t have to worry about making a certain amount at my jobs to ensure that the bills would get paid.

Word of advice: always manage your finances based on whoever makes the lowest income in your household. (If you’re married) That way if one of you loses your job, you can afford the bills.

Now I know most people think this is outlandish, but this is how it should be.

Back to my story. I really don’t know how we’ve been paying our bills when I look at the bigger picture. But we have. And I worry too much about it. My life is consumed with money, money, money. Or moreso, bills, bills, bills. Debt, debt, debt.

I have learned from our past financial choices. The very hard way. I know what not to do again. I’ve known it since I grew up. I was very well prepared for what to expect and how to manage my finances. Some of it was beyond my control as I came into it in this relationship. Some of it, I allowed to get out of control.

Not having money is the root of all evil. In the end.

I have become a very bitter, cynical, pessimistic woman who can only focus on making money. I want to just live my life. I am so sick and tired of being so overwhelmed with debt.

I am so tired of having to make tough choices about how we are going to bring home money. Figuring ways we can save a buck or how we can survive this month.

I have a decent house and nice car. My husband has a decent car. We have nice things. But we can’t even enjoy these nice things because of the financial bind we are in.

I can’t even think straight right now.

This is what happens when someone puts a shadow over your thinking.

Sometimes I wonder…

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my miscarriage.

I try not to make a big deal of it because I didn’t know I was pregnant in the first place, but it’s still something that is hard to swallow. It is a  loss, regardless. It was my baby.

And I often wonder, especially on this day as well as around April-May, what my life would be like if I had that baby. Where would my life have gone? Would I have Aidan? Aidan would have a big brother or sister and what would he/she look like?

This day is more of one that I like to reflect on my life and how things have transpired. I am happy for the things I have and the love in my life. I am grateful for my son and my husband and all of my family.

But then I always think back and wonder what my other child would be like.

Cut out calories by not licking or sucking.

Yeah, you read that right!

I was thinking last week about how many calories we consume everyday when we lick our fingers clean. You know it counts for something!

So, instead of licking that cheese-puff stuff off or whatever, wipe it off with a napkin. It’ll probably save you like 100 calories a day.

I’m just guessing here.

“The Mess”

You know, I am really thankful that none of my friends have made any kind of mockery about Michael Jackson’s death and his life leading up to it. Yet.

Let’s not forget the fact that the man was/is a fucking legend in our time and had such a huge impact on the music industry that he was deemed the King of Pop.

That makes you pretty famous.

It also makes your private life not so private.

The man was passionate about entertaining others of all ages. Later in his life, it was more towards kids. I think that he had a love for children that we as a society have skewed. And I think some people even took advantage of the fact and tried to make him out to be a child molester. It’s understandable though. We all think the ice cream men who drive up and down our streets are perverts who just want to abduct our children and rape them.

I believe he was a little weird, but I don’t think he would be stupid enough to make it so obvious if he was a child molester. And his jury thought the same as I do…innocent.

I think some people had ideas and concocted some lies to try and get their hands on part of his riches.

I will always love Michael Jackson for the artist he was, not the person society made him out to be.

iPhone 3G S

I am really excited that the iPhone 3G S will be coming out soon, not because I want to update, but because when we buy hubs one, it will be 100 bucks cheaper now!!!

Of course, as clumsy as he is, I don’t know if we should…

Dusting off.

I really have not paid much attention to blogging as I used to, except when I need to bitch and complain about something. We all have something to grumble about, but let’s not forget there are things to be thankful for.

I am thankful that I have my son and my husband. I am thankful that I have a house, a job, a car and food. I am thankful that I can buy my son what he needs and be able to put a smile on his face with the simple things.

I am thankful that I can afford the internet because it is my saving grace, if you will. I use it to communicate and stay in touch with everything. I buy products that aren’t within easy reach here and I like to design websites.

I am thankful for my knowledge and my talents.

These are some of the things that always make me feel better when I look back. I do wish I could change some situations, like where I work and how much I work, but I do what I have to for now.  I am thankful that I have talents that will help me get there.

No matter how down I get, I always look towards my future, and the not so distant future at that. I know in less than 3 years I will be living in Florida close to the beach where it is warm year ’round (for the most part) and I don’t have to worry about snow.

I look forward to putting my son in school and watching him learn and grown.

I look forward to watching my new business grow.

I have a lot to be happy about.